Stripped socks with flowery flats.
Realizing when I got in to work this morning that my toothpaste had failed me miserably and left my breath in its basest state of rancor, I retrieved a brand new tin of Altoids from my desk drawer. The lid was held tightly shut by a band of thick cellophane that happened to have a vertical red stripe, presumably indicating where to pull in order to most easily remove the protective plastic. I pulled and pried with everything I had in me, but it was like trying to peel a hockey puck. The plastic band simply would not give.
The red stripe glared at me. “You’re a fucking wimp,” it finally snorted in disgust. Of course, life’s to short to take shit from the cellophane on a tin of Altoids, so I got out the trusty Benchmade. But even as I cavalierly sliced that red strip right down the middle, the little bastard's derision endured. “Wassamatter, princess? Aw, need Mr. Pigstabber to do it for you? Maybe your mommy could help. About time for her to change your diaper anyway, isn’t it, Shirley?”
So now I know. If you want to enjoy curiously strong breath mints, it helps if you yourself are also curiously strong. I suppose that goes without saying, but I never expected packaging so clever as to test the consumer’s strength prior to relinquishing the product.
it was well-written and quite hilarious - and Estelle was fabulous...
and of course, will be in syndication on Lifetime until the end of the century - heh heh
http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-getty23-2008jul23,0,6843248.story?track=ntothtml
OBITUARY
Estelle Getty, 84; 'Golden Girls' actress brought humor, depth to mother roles
Special to The Times
July 23, 2008
Estelle Getty, whose acting career bloomed late in life with her Emmy-winning performance as Sophia Petrillo, the wisecracking mother of Bea Arthur's character on the popular NBC sitcom "The Golden Girls," died Tuesday. She was 84.
Getty, who also won notice for her performance on Broadway as Harvey Fierstein's mother in "Torch Song Trilogy," died at her home in Hollywood, said her friend and caretaker, Paul Chapdelaine. Getty had been battling Lewy body dementia for the last eight or nine years, he said.
"The only comfort at this moment is that although Estelle has moved on, Sophia will always be with us," Betty White, one of Getty's "Golden Girls" costars, said in a statement.
Getty was a veteran stage actress in New York City when she came to Los Angeles for the West Coast run of "Torch Song" in 1985, and her managers urged her to try making it in Hollywood. She told them she'd give it two months.
Six weeks later, she got the part of Sophia, an elderly mother who was forced to live with her divorced, middle-aged daughter and her daughter's two friends in a house in Miami.
Though about the same age as Arthur, Getty put on a wig, makeup and dowdy clothes and for seven years engaged in hilarious verbal combat with her TV daughter, Dorothy Zbornak, who towered over the tiny but feisty Sophia.
"Our mother-daughter relationship was one of the greatest comic duos ever, and I will miss her," Arthur said in a statement.
Freed from normal social constraints by a mild stroke, Sophia got many of the show's funniest lines, made even more droll by Getty's deadpan delivery. The intergenerational free-for-all often left Dorothy in stunned silence, from which she recovered by cooing ominously the name of the retirement home from which her mother had been rescued: "Shady Pines."
Dorothy [to Sophia]: Four women live in this house, the toilet seat never has to move, and you always manage to make it bang.
Sophia: Forgive me, sweetheart, why don't you just get me a litter box to put beside my nightstand!
Getty, a natural comedian famous for her one-liners even in private life, played Sophia for laughs, but she also brought depth to the character. It was her idea that Sophia would always carry a purse because, she said, older women are forced to shed so many possessions in their later years that everything they own ends up in their purses.
"Nobody puts down their life very easily," she explained in a 1992 interview with Newsday.
In 1988, the year she won an Emmy for her performance as Sophia, Getty told The Times that she did not know what made her character so popular, but she thought it had something to do with her being so small.
"There's something about people identifying with little people, for various reasons," said the under-5-foot Getty, who sometimes referred to herself as "a miniature person." She said she also thought the difference in stature between her and Arthur set up a comic situation, since Sophia seemed always to be the one telling Dorothy to shut up.
Getty was born Estelle Scher on July 25, 1923, on the Lower East Side of Manhattan in New York City, the daughter of Polish immigrants.
She fell in love with the stage as a small child when her father took her to see a movie and five acts of vaudeville.
"I was stunned," she wrote in "If I Knew Then What I Know Now So What?," her 1988 memoir written with Steve Delsohn. "I had found my world."
By age 5, she was studying singing, dancing and dramatics at a settlement house. She graduated from Seward Park High School and began getting acting experience in the Borscht Belt in the Catskills in upstate New York.
After her marriage in 1946, she worked as a secretary and continued acting, eventually moving into motherly roles.
"I've played mothers to heroes and mothers to zeros," she wrote. "I've played Irish mothers, Jewish mothers, Italian mothers, Southern mothers, New England mothers, mothers in plays by Neil Simon and Arthur Miller and Tennessee Williams. I've played mother to everyone but Attila the Hun."
Getty also played Sylvester Stallone's mother in the 1992 film flop "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot," Cher's mother in the 1985 movie "Mask" and Barry Manilow's mother in the 1985 TV movie "Copacabana."
Being typecast, however, also gave Getty the most important roles of her career, including "Golden Girls" and "Torch Song Trilogy," in which for five years she played mother to Fierstein's drag queen in the Broadway production and on national tours. (Anne Bancroft played Fierstein's mother in the 1988 film version.)
Fierstein had met Getty in the late 1970s when playing in small theaters in New York and, Fierstein said, she "drove me crazy asking for a part." He told TV Guide in 1986 that when he got around to casting "Torch Song Trilogy," "It began to strike me as funny to imagine this teeny little thing bossing me around."
Reviewing "Torch Song Trilogy" when it opened in November 1983 at the Huntington Hartford Theatre in Hollywood, former Times theater critic Dan Sullivan called Getty's performance "tough, funny and wonderfully positive."
Getty had lived in the Los Angeles area since her "Golden Girls" days. Her husband of 57 years, businessman Arthur Gettleman, died in 2004. She is survived by her sons, Barry Gettleman and Carl Gettleman; her brother, David Scher; and her sister, Roslyn Howard.
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So, I caught the news about how 90s dance diva/pop singer, Cathy Dennis, is still making a living in the music business - not as a performer, but as a music writer. She's responsible for huge hits for Kylie Minogue, Britney Spears, S Club Juniors, and Janet Jackson, just to name a few. I'm happy to see her doing so well!
Anyway, this news caused me to flashback of my high school youth. I had seen her beautiful 60s haircut and neon green album cover and fell in love with her. I got her debut album, Move to This through my primary way of purchasing semi-cheap CDs: BMG Music Club (which I'm still currently a member).
I think at the time, she had "Just Another Dream" as a hit single, a dancey number with that catchy line "is it for real or is it just another dream (just a dream)", followed by "Touch Me (All Night Long)" which shows off her dancing skills on MTV.
Once I had the album, I was drawn to her sweet lullaby love song, "Too Many Walls". This song, complete with the violin parts, did really well on the Billboard charts.... and I believe it was the last time we heard from her in the States.
I don't know what happened really, she disappeared as quickly as she appeared on pop radio.
Looking at her discography, I can tell you that she did release two other albums, and a greatest hits, but as far as I know, they were only a blimp on the radar in the US. I'm sure she fared far better in her home country.
As luck would have it, Discopop reported a brand new Cathy Dennis album called Sexcassettes should be out in 2008:
Her manager, Spice Girls svengali Simon Fuller, adds that the album has “a real contemporary guitar feeling” - which is less encouraging.
I don't know about 'less encouraging', but it should be interesting to hear her new original songs.
Dennis, from the recent Yahoo article, adds more details:
Actually, yes. I've been working for the last year-and-a-half with a band I put together called Sexcassettes. We're shooting a video for the first single, "Killer Love," this month, and I hope to have it out by the end of the year. It's more of a band sound than produced pop. As usual, I have no idea what to expect.
After the reunion lunch, I fired off an email to United Airlines, as that is where Brett Egarr is likely to be, according to one web page. It was an innocent message on their feedback form.
Ladies and Gentlemen:
I would like to get a message to Capt Brett Egarr. Capt Egarr, I believe, is with your airline flying A320s. He and I were at school in New Zealand till 1985. We had a reunion lunch today and his name came up. I’d like to reconnect with him and see if he has any plans to venture to his homeland in the near future. Please pass on my contact details to him if he wishes to be in touch.
Sincerely,
Jack Yan, LL B, BCA (Hons.), MCA
PS.: Your form insists on a 'State' even if one feeds in 'Outsie [sic] US and Outside Canada'.
Pretty simple, right? I stated my purpose. I asked for my information to be passed on. I did not want any private contact information for Brett.
United Airlines responded:
Dear Mr. Yan,
Thank you for taking the time to contact United Airlines Customer Relations regarding a message for Capt. Brett Egarr.
Mr. Yan, I am sorry to disappointment you but Federal privacy guidelines prohibit us to contact a United employee on behalf of a passenger or any other person. Each of our employees and customers has the right to decide who may know about them.
Also, we are aware regarding the "State" field while submitting a concern to Customer Relations and our technical team is working for a resolution. I hope this will be corrected soon.
Your understanding is appreciated. Thank you for your email.
Regards,
Bhupendra Singh Bisht
United Airlines Customer Relations
Nothing wrong with Mr Bisht’s courtesy but surely this is ridiculous? Federal privacy what?
If United doesn’t understand the law, then it shouldn’t be quoting it. I responded (making a mistake on the first line, dammit):
Dear Mr Singh [sic]:
I appreciate your prompt response though I must comment that I find the guidelines' interpretation questionable.
I realize you are doing your job and I do not criticize you for that or for your courtesy, for which I thank you.
If I may give you an analogy: if I were to write a letter to any company in the world, even in the United States, addressing it to an employee's attention, it is generally accepted in everyday, international commercial practice that it will get there.
You say that each United employee has the right to decide who may know about them. I fully agree. But you are denying Capt Egarr the opportunity to make that choice.
I can understand blocking an abusive passenger or one expressly requesting private information.
I do not wish to know Capt Egarr's contact information or any particulars covered by any US privacy legislation.
I had expected that the internet was to make our lives easier. I had also expected common sense, if you consider that written correspondence would likely find its way to Capt Egarr.
If you cannot help me with the above then I request that you provide me with your company's head office address so I may pursue this matter offline.
Yours faithfully,
Jack Yan, LL B, BCA (Hons.), MCA
There was a link at the end of the email for a customer survey—you bet your bottom dollar I filled that out. I accused the airline of holding a feather and pretending it was an arrow. I gave Mr Bisht good marks for courtesy and timeliness though.
Show us the last thing you bought.
That'll be $125. Have a nice day.
Has the unfriendly economy caused you to change your spending habits?
Uh. Surprisingly, no. I still buy gas, food, and clothes! It's just made the money go faster. You know... Like fine sand (money) in a sieve (my wallet).
Apologies in advance, but we have to ask... How do you REALLY feel about the New Kids on the Block reunion?
As triumph, the comic insult dog might say: "It seem good enough ... FOR ME TO POOP ON!"
Can't we leave the shame in the past?
After the wedding we went to the hotel and changed,then went over to my cousin Jimmy's house.There was food(mmm shrimp!) there and we all just hung out and talked.Hank and Brandy stopped by for a while,which was a nice surprise :) Jimmy and his wife Blair have two kids, Frances and Laura,and a Corgi named Abby.
